Pebble

How is a pebble in a heap different from the one on the street or so to say even different from the one that is part of some interior designer’s creation?

Their destinies!!

They were born equal; their destinies decided their paths and their end.

“I” am just another pebble on the street

I was born as a rock, but that doesn’t make any difference now

All loosers have a glorious past, winners have their present to talk about

My destiny brought me here on the street; streets layered with muck

I like muck!! Muck makes me feel safe it covers my shame of being “nothing”

It is easier to handle shit in your face than shame in your eyes

Although, I looked/pretended to be like the one in the designer's creation, worthy of  living in luxury

But, destiny, the slick bitch, she can never go wrong,
She made no mistakes, she judged me rightly,I shouldn't say this but she was fair
She passed the verdict....

“I” was the “Insignificant” one

Chai

Subah uthna chai banaana , wahi roz marra ka kaam..yeh daalo woh daalo..ubaalo aur gatak lo.

Par achaanak ek din, chai ki pehle chuski lete hi laga..waah!!! aaj chai achi bani hai. Shayad...adrak ki wajah se… par thoda sa, kisi kone main se, khayaal aaya ki bhai apni jeet ko adrak ke naam kyu kare, adrak toh roz hi daalte hain, kam- zyaada chalta hai. Apni is choti si kamyaabi se badi khushi mili, dil garden garden ho gaya aur saath hi yaad aaya ki aise chai kisi ko bahut pasand hai…mere kisi apne ko….bahut pasand hai.

Chai  banane se, chai samagree, tareeka, kya cheez kitni daalni hai, kitna naap- kitni bhaap, sab jhagde ka sabab rahe hai…Shayad chai kabhi shaanti se bani hi nahi. Aur agar tapri par chai peene gaye toh samjho tapree waala ki khair nahin, tippdiyaan diye bina paise dene hi nahin. Aur agar achi lag gayi, toh aisi haalat ke bhai tapri waale ko ghar le chale ya duniya ko kheench ke zabardasti la ke tapri par chai pilaani.

Aise choti naunk jhonk ek-dum se yaad aa gayi bas uthaaya phone aur sms kar daala.. “aaj chai bahut achi bani hai toh kisi ko bataana zaroori thaa”. Fataak se reply aaya “J “.  Aur jiski umeed thee woh uske peeche peeche..ji haan ek sawaal “tumne banaayi hai” Mujhe pata tha ki aisa hi kuch poocha jaayega, but “J” se laga chalo is baar doubt nahin hai, par meri galatfehemi agle hi second duur ho gayi.

Phir idhar se jawaab udhar se sawaal, sawaal-jawaab, jawaab-sawaal ka silsilaa chalta raha. Pata hi nahin chala ke is sms ki adlaa badli main kya kya aur kab tak baat hui. Aur jaane kab naunk-jhonk main badal gayi.....

Chai ab aur bhi achi lagne lagi, 

Shayad chai main isi "naunk-jhonk" ki kami reh gayi thi.

Kindle main woh baat nahin!!

Zubaan par zaayka aata tha jo safhe palatne ka
ab ungli click karne se bas ek jhapki guzarti hai
kitaabon se jo zaati raabta tha, kat gaya
kabi seene pe rakh ke let jaate the
                                   

It is actually a composition by Gulzar "kitaabein" which talks about how the experience of reading a book has changed. People nowadays read e-books on kindle/tablets there was a time when reading a book was an experience.Reader and a book were like a lover and beloved to each other and reading was like sharing intimate moments in that relationship.

As her lover I admired her, I touched her, I made her feel comfortable in my arms before she opened up to me. Reading each chapter was like getting to know a new secret from the life of my beloved. Turning each page was like giving a small peck on the forehead of my beloved, it left behind a lingering taste in my mouth. Before retiring folding the corner of a page was like making a commitment of coming back to her the very next day or even sooner if I could squeeze in time from my materialistic pursuits. When I returned to her, I would always find her eagerly waiting the way I left her last night, at times when I was late I could even hear her whisper a complaint "you are late today." I picked her up in my arms again looked for that folded corner and softly unfolded it, that left behind a mark on her, like a love bite, that would stay there for a few days. Although, she didn't want it yet she never resisted, for the fear that I might lose my way in this journey with her. Engrossed in a conversation with her time just flew. I never realized when I used to fall asleep, she would rest on my chest with my arms wrapped around her. And, she would wait in anticipation all night that I might wake up again and would want to know more about her.

A "click" can not fill this void...EVER!!

I Wished....

Just a year back, she was just another stranger on the street. One of those many people who just happen to pass by when you are busy with something, lost in your thoughts, waiting for a bus or travelling in a train and numerous such places.
A couple of phone calls, a meeting and some time on chat. She was somebody I could talk about anything and everything. She was confident, logical, tolerant (of my weirdness) and caring.
I wanted things to work but then the world in not so ideal. In India marriage doesn’t mean just two people, it is two families. Ya families, that’s where it went a little out of hands.
I guess I was weak, too weak to stand up for something for myself. And I guess the first thing in this relationship is the ability to stand up for oneself, yourself. She was right to make a choice to walk with somebody who would walk by her side than with the guy who was afraid to take the first step.
Or,
I guess I was too strong. Too strong to just follow what makes everyone happy, people who matter to you. “I” just ceases to exist. Even these types are difficult to handle hence, people usually prefer somebody who walks the middle path.
Strong-weak, stupid-weird no matter what categorization would justify the whole event. I did try behind the scenes .I knew that you wished and waited long for us to come together, I didn’t need to hear it from you, I just knew it. Coz, So did I.
I just expected the time to be right, things worked out, ideal as they should be (I don’t have a short term memory loss but I do have good theatre experience to make it look like it is). Good luck!!

Kuch kehana tha

Kuch kehana tha…
Paani main rakhe daddu ke daanto se
Khoonti par latke daadi ke baalon se
Baba ke kurte main lage khonte se
Ammi ke zung lage supari ke sarote se
Chutki ki nayi hari-peele chudiyon se
Badki ki puraani kaali jutiyon se
Tai ke pehle safed baal se
Guddu ke us stupid se sawaal se

Kuch kehana tha…

Chachu ki satrangi kameez se
Guddi ki gol gullak ki khereez se
Munshi mama ki kalaave main bandhi kalam se
Tauji ki gud-gud-aati hukke ki chillum se
Kaaka ki mooch main chipki malaai se
Chaachi ki charmaraati chaarpai se
Naani ki nayi paayal ke bade waale ghungroo se
Chuttan ke, gaye saal ramleela main khareede, chotu damroo se

Kuch kehana tha…

Naanu ke, safed dhaage se jode, bhoore ainak se
Mausi ke banaaye mitti ke saanwre sainik se
Andar aangan ke kone main rakhi tulsi se
Bahaar chaukhat ke beech lagi nazariye ki kalsi se
Ghar ke saamne waali gali ke pehle modh se
Gaon ki aakhri baaodi ke doosre chhor se

Kuch kehana tha…
Kehana tha kuch apno se kuch apne aap se
Kuch shabdon main kuch bhaav se
Ke kuch paane ki chaahat main jo choot gaya uski koshish main aaya hoon
Tab Musaafir ho chala tha, par ab ghar laut aaya hoon, ab ghar laut aaaya hoon