From the time I have rejoined work after leave, my crew and moreover I feel there has been some change in my personality. I kind of get irritated easily, earlier I used to joke around with my crew that has stopped. The company policies and salary, to say that did not matter would be a lie, but not upto a point where I constantly thought over them and went about bitching about them here and there has become fairly common. I liked going to the site, I loved my job, but now it seems a burden to me. I was one of the sought after engineers when it came to job preparation and planning but now I usually forget something or miss out something or the other. The client has his own set of problems with me, “fuck off” he says politely because of earlier good relations but that is easy to get what he means. The on-site failures and problems were easily sorted out, I was never flustered when they occurred but now the slightest problem makes me mad and I am all freaked out.
I don’t call up people or my so called friends as frequently as I did earlier neither do I chat on the net with them. There was a non-visible but fairly prominent gap that existed, which has now been accepted as it is, it is an easier way to not be labeled as tried tested and found not ok. Probably only people I call up are family members, I call up that to within a minute or so the conversation ends after the courteous salutations and asking for if everything is fine. If I look upon what I have done all through the day, nothing. Just a newspaper or a novel that’s it. I enjoy not being bugged up to be left alone with what I am doing to not be questioned and just heard. I have started taking advantage of my designation and seniority a bad thing to do but somehow I never realize that till I think over it later.
The best times have become the evenings, go play some basketball, come back have a drink and play the guitar rather try to play the guitar to be precise. Sleep early and start off again the next day.
