When you ask me “How do I look” I would probably just reply ok or at best good. Rather the time I don’t say anything but I keep looking at you that’s what I exactly want to convey remember the lines by ronan keating “ You say it best when u say nothing at all”. I don’t usually go to superlatives and exaggerate to superficially please you by saying that you are the most beautiful lady I ever met. That would also mean the I have never seen the likes of Meg ryan, Chitrangada singh or Gayatri joshi, so the truth is what I say, which might look bad.
The time you ask me “should I do this or that” I would always leave the option for you to decide, give a mild very mild favourism for one thing, that too rarely. I would dispense with whatever little I can think of for either of the choices with all possible pros and cons, and let you decide yourself and standby your decision whatever it is. I would not ever say you should do this until it is a matter of choice between the right and the wrong. But there too, I would definitely expect to follow what I feel is right until you have a justification of a view point contrary to mine. Then too I would not say who is wrong but let time decide who is and will be more than willing to accept mistakes feel sorry and accept change.
Whenever there is a choice between people, emotional attachments and relations on one hand and ethically right, commitments the righteous approach I would opt for the latter irrespective of the situation. This might hurt you, make me appear more selfish than anybody, insensitive and mean beyond expectation. But still I would do that, can be attributed to the little psychic that has grown inside me all these years.
I might not tell you that I am good at so and so things or a great achievement of mine because I have none, and the superfluous things that people or myself perceive as achievement are two small to be spoken about. But, definitely all my confessions will be to you no matter howsoever heinous it may be.
I would never speak up about my fears, my expectations or will be judgemental about people around you or situations. It is only when I am expected to open up I do, but would definitely regret later doing that because they are too personal to be spoken to myself too, most of those things.
I would too frequently too loudly and repeatedly shout at you, but never when I see you are at fault. But that would be because there is something else that is irritating me, and I know you would understand that and give me the liberty to act frantically. But I would never forget to say and feel sorry and try and make up for the same. Also no matter how much you scream at me, I would never raise my voice at that instant coz I understand at that moment you want to be heard and not be reciprocated with gyaan.
I will surely forget your birthday, or any other special day important to you. To put it precisely, that’s a personality flaw, which you would have to bear with all your life. Till now my sister helps me remember that, my mom takes care of the rest even my own b’day reminder. Yet, they have no complaints probably they have accepted it coz they have no choice and a replacement or exchange if not impossible is surely very difficult.
I would hesitate to visit relatives yours and mine because I haven’t done that all these years. I am not used to it. My family took care of the fact that they don’t persuade or push me too much to attend any of those family functions. I usually do it without the slightest extra efforts rather I avoid it if possible. But never the less, once there I would not let that expression come on my face and be a part of it. You can be rest assured that my ways might be embarrassing, but still the crowd would love to have me there.
I am bad at gifts, cards, flowers, chocolates and stuff. A rough guy I am. I just have words like the song goes “Its only words and words are all I have to take your heart away.” But definitely I would try my level best to take care of you in the best possible way I can, nothing less than that.
I will let you have all the choices coz 20years down the line if you regret having settled down for something far lesser than you could have got, I would only remind you that the decision was entirely yours and I was just the lucky one at the receiving end. Not an iota of effort will I make to manipulate your decisions but still somewhere I will expect that to happen probably just by miracle or just by the faith that I aren’t wrong in leaving you free to decide for yourself.
I and you might have lots of things in common, moreover their might be even greater number of things that aren’t. Yet, I will try and join you in your insanity, but I would respect each one of us to not compromise or mould our ways for other, rather be vocal about our different choices equally strongly as about our commonness. Weather this disparity is in food, books, sports, outings ,relatives or hazaar other things, I would see to it that your choice is never left behind even though I would request you to try out mine.
When it comes to fights, I don’t. I would always submit before the people I know (against others I try my best till my lack of stamina, fighter skills, and age stop me from jumping around). Not, because I lack the courage, but because I don’t intend to fight in any way with them. There might be a difference of opinion and I let them have their way and I have mine. I prefer to keep things calm rather than enforce, emphasize or explain my stance, so that whenever we meet it we have lots of pleasant stuff to talk rather than belittle each other. I am a self-proclaimed “ besharam, bezzat and badnaam of the gravest degree, to find somebody below me you got to make a herculean effort.” So, I find words like insult, respect etc as shear stupidity and over emphasis of adjectives in my case.
My work will keep me busy, and most of the times I will take the leverage to attend work rather than you. But, understand I just prioritized situations and the comparison wasn’t between my job and you, loyalty to work is not that bad, at least you are sure that you have a loyal human companion coz the other good option is a dog.
I might look like a fat ass with a largely receding hairline for which I don’t care, a fucking bearded unshaven extremely potholed face, a little better than a born in black out but def. not the fairer of the lots, shabbily dressed moreover never dressed for the occasion aptly, torn shoes or rather no shoes just slippers that too bathroom slippers weather it is an airport or somebody’s house or my bathroom, not a presentable guy, sans eating sense of what and from where, sans choice of cuisine and the right sophisticated way to have it, a limited knowledge guy, an all time pervert language speaker, a guy who thinks” jab taka aam(mango) poore moonh par nahin laga tab tak kya aam khaya, aam bhi kya kaante se khaane ki cheez hai,” home food will always be the preference over outside food yet try out the weirdest places for the delicacy of that place, when you sit behind me on a bike you might scream out of fear of getting killed and while in a car you will scold me all the way on my driving skills and I would make it a point to argue with the most unreasonable excuses I can find to contradict you. I would not take bath for a few days which might extend to a week in extreme winters, and moreover I am a little allergic to perfumes and deodorants so the usage is rationed by physical limitations.
With countless flaws in me, you have still accepted me. I think I can not be thankful enough to you………..my friend.
