While in college during the placement times, of the many good things that happened like my friends coming up to give me a hug when they got a job. Some cried while they said thanks. Few came in to say they wanted me to sit for them, believed that I could be of help, others thought having me around would help when required. With all these options at hand and me willing to take up the job I like and not just any job I was almost free throughout the placement time.
So free that at the end of the placement phase one, I was amongst the last 6 leftovers in my class and last 30 of my batch of 400. Yet I decided to take up only the job I would join, and not just any job, coz somebody else might have needed that desperately and I would take that just to feel secure that I have a job.
Tata Telecom, the company I can never forget. My batch-mate who wasn’t actually anything more than an acquaintance Mr. X asked me to help him out. I did that but somehow things did not work out and he could not copy, neither exchange sheets, etc and finally I got the call and not him. Unwilling to take up that job and to not be black listed by not going for the interview I went in. I had an assessment that compared to others I stood a far better chance of the job. Yet went ahead intentionally screwed up came out told them why I did so they were happy to hear that, found it interesting what ever act I pulled off inside coz deep down their hearts they knew where in competition they stood against me.
But as I always say and firmly believe that whenever “luck” factor has to decide I am sure I would fail. So, here the company because they found my act as whimsical and derogatory to their image resolved not to recruit anybody. That came as a shock to me and to others. I tried to convince them but all in vain. The guys pounced on me as if I had purposefully wanted that to happen, I minute ago they were happy that I killed the existing competition and a minute later they were all rash and ready to fight. I knew it was their desperation for a job and no matter what I tried to explain to them they did not hear a word. I felt guilty of this, and went about virtually begging the placement incharge and the company people to reconsider and reconcile and accepting it was my fault. They finally agreed and took two people and then I took it up to me to give whatever help I could to all those and I did. But that fight and verbal duel, and blames I can never forget even the person who could never raise his voice talked shit to me, yet I stood by explaining them all accepting it to be my fault not out of fear or lack of courage but out of guilt that I in someway was responsible for that.
Down the years, I might have met them a number of times, we rarely say hi, a guy even died due to illness some years back, to be frank to confess, it did not hurt me a bit or neither was I sorry for him rather it was somewhere peace when I recapitulated that event within me after I heard the news.
4 years later something happened that was a déjà vu. Where in I entered with no malign intentions, just that everything should be just perfect, people who have had a bad time should not have the same again in anyway, I stood by with whatever I could dispense off with, whatever little I could do for others benefit, still I felt guilty of something that I did years ago. I lost or to be precise was not manipulative, cunning, or probably possessive enough to hold on to, yet the solace is I did what I felt right and with good intentions, and moreover now we are even and I can do away with the guilt, regret, a sorry feeling that I had harboured deep down all these years. Intentions aren’t visible probably people need to speak up to show it, but the best guys are those who understand you without having to say a word, may all of us find at least one such person. Good luck.
