KEY TO RELATIONSHIPS

During one long and deep conversations with one of my friends, I was questioned what a relationship meant to me? According to my friend, the foremost thing in a relationship is that they should talk and if people talked less that could not be taken to be a relationship. That was put as the foremost criterion to define a relationship.

I could have answered there and then, but being a slow thinker, moti buddhi, it took me time to compile the entire thing. According to me there are certain things that are the foundations of any relationship, not just a love, could be friendship, between members of the family, you and your spouse, you and your kid anybody.

1) Fearlessness: If I am fearless to speak up anything, discuss, argue or even confess in front of somebody, with an assurance and a confidence that I will be heard with patience and also be understood. I will be given an opportunity to explain my stance even though I might have made the biggest blunder in my life. Something that you might feel shame, ignominy or guilt, or any such form of expression in public, but with that person you feel safe and heard you are fearless to approach him anytime.

2) Faith: No matter how harsh the path is, no matter how long it is, no matter if I am able to see the other side of the road: my destination, but I have the faith that my walk with this person is what matters. He will definitely lead me to the place I ought to be. At worst I might not be able to reach a destination, but the journey itself would be none the less wonderful.

3) Forgiveness: If for the most heinous of the crimes somebody can forgive me, he wont say a word neither would I be expected to say sorry. The only thing that I might get to hear “koi baat nahin”. He understands the entire picture behind it I have no doubt that he is the one who will stand by me forever. It is important to realize, as I always say, that there is no greater punishment than living with a guilt forever, don’t let your loved ones harbor anything of this kind in their heart. Just a suggestion read “The kite Runner by Khalid Hosseni” deep rooted guilt an emotion that is wonderfully penned down in the book.

4) First : When somebody is the first person you run to, when you want to share, the first opinion you seek, the first person you ask for help, the first shoulder to cry on, the first one you know would make you laugh, the first one to understand you even before you utter your first word, the first one to realize why you are hiding the truth, the first one make out how you are feeling without asking you…just by looking at you, hearing your voice, the first one to understand that you wanted to cry but why you didn’t, the first one to know that you wanted to say something, but why you didn’t……. and many such firsts when lead to a common man, he is the one you should look for to be with.

5) Forgo : To take care of somebody in a way that it is their choice, their happiness, their smallest of the desires, their greatest of the dreams, their passions etc in short when you make theirs as your own makes a relationship. If you can not give them what they deserve you don’t even deny them that right, which somebody else might be able to fulfill it. Either I stand up to be able to match their expectations or I simply let go off for their good, rather than messing up their life to come. This is forgoing, letting go off, sacrificing. When thy partners will matters more than your own, when selflessness holds the key, when selfishness is a crime this is when you know you are in a relationship.

There can be other such traits that define people are in a relationship, but for somebody who has a very limited thinking, people like us, these little things can help you decide.

When you trust somebody give them the chance they ought to get, go and test them on either of these, if they stand out the so called test I can assure you, that person is the one you ought to spend your life with or your life for. The kite runner had a saying” for you a thousand times over” that is the feeling that you will have when you find that right person, the only expectation from that relationship is that all expectations of your partner are fulfilled, no matter what ever you might have to do.