Sorry…to short a word, but needs a lot of guts to speak up. Even it’s brevity does not help. Some might say” ise bolne main kya hai..main toh kabhi bhi” , dear if all things were meant to be that way, the world would have been different, different and definitely notbetter.
If I ever get a chance, my lord gives me the courage to speak up. The first confession would be to my parents. Firstly for me being selfish and also irresponsible, both because for my own good, for a better career I did not look back as to what they might be facing. I chose career over them. Agreed, they helped me every now and then, they wanted that I be that “someone”, but the choice was left to me. I don’t know if I can be what they wanted, or the choices they allowed me to have, but as of today I stand nowhere near to that, not even within miles. Secondly, for being apathetic towards the fact that because of my not being there, they have to shoulder my share of responsibilities.
Thirdly, they did what was their responsibility and in a far better way, as a ritual, and I don’t do anything not even those bits that I should be doing.
If I get one more opportunity I would say sorry to a lady. She trusted me for various reasons, reasons only know to her. I was unfair to her, (a better derogatory adjective required here), for reasons only known to me. If I get a chance to confess, it was my self-created mental barrier, my own inability to be true to myself as well as to her, my utter lack of respect for her humility, for her concern for me, my inability to accept things as they are, my handicap to explain the obvious things that on certain parameters she ought to deserve better. As of today, it’s been a blessing in disguise, the lady has come a long way, and she still has lots to achieve. May god bless her. I can apologize a hundred times if an apology can make things better I wish I get that chance.
In reminiscence of the times and the entirety of the above I can summarize it by these beautiful lines:
Taruf (feelings) rog ban jaaye toh use chodna behtar,
Taluk(relationship) bojh ban jaaye toh use todna acha.
Jis makaam ko anjaam tak na pahuncha sako,
Usko ek haseen modh they kar chodna acha.
Another such opportunity if given, would be for the relatives I have had. Especially the people who helped me, provided me all the support and fulfilled all my wishes. They wanted me to be a better person, accept them as a family, but I could not look at them more than any other relative and a caretaker.
The list of such people is long, but then I am no saint and not all people matter to me.
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