CANT LIVE WITH/WITHOUT THEM

There might be many things in life which for some reason, known or unknown , knowingly unknowingly we have to keep/bear/follow even desire, till the point we don’t have them. Once we have them we don’t want more of it for sure and even greater problem is that we always want to get rid of the existing. The DILEMMA: we want to get rid, but we cant let go off it, coz once it goes we would start the process again to have it.
The list of such thing is long….but it is interesting if thought over creatively. Lets try and pour in some of such things/issues.

1) NAUKRI: Probably the last time I got up late in the afternoon, just to go and again sleep in the winter sun, was in college. “Naukri milne ke baad toh neend haraam ho gayi hai.” During college not having money ,rather putting it in a more euphemistic way …a 24x7x30x12 money crunch, we enjoyed life more as compared to these days. Makes me feel the money I earn is far less than the price I actually am paying in return.
Talking on the personal aesthetics front.. I am god dam loosing hair on my head at a rate
higher than Indian birth rate…gaining weight 100 times faster than aishwarya loosing side
tyres for the skimpy dresses in dhoom-doobara. Its been just 2 yrs out of college and college
babes have already started calling me uncleji/bhaisahab. I doubt if there is a matrimonial
column in leading dailies with entries of people like me under the heading “Deceptive
appearances..People who are younger than they look” You might forget you are a
kshatriya,aggarwal,manglik or any non-manglik the only concern koi shaadi karega kya?

2) BIWI: Once upon a time he was a happy man…today he is married. That might summarise the drastic change a bachelor experiences in his life once he takes those “ saat vachans/Kabul hai/I accept….etc etc” This best puts up how foolish men are to accept such a situation once having seen their, long gone and few surviving ancestors, constantly cribbing about it. One of the most cherished moments for a girl to keep is how her man proposed her, each and every iota of detail she would remember. The shirt colour, jeans , waist size, gift , what stupid act the guy did, what made her say yes/no etc etc. The guys also don’t forget such times…reasons could be different.
Shaadi ke baad shuru hoti hai ek nayi tension…..bachelors bechaare especially hostel ki junta. Just putting down the common comments heard/overheard in the locality or a friend sharing his dukh with me…..
Yeh socks shoes main rakhne ke hote hain palang par nahin, take them off before u get into bed.
Once the guy starts doing that
Yeh socks bathroom/washing machine main rakhne hote hain….shoes main nahin.

Q: khana kaisa banaya maine? Dekho sach bolna so that I can improve upon what I am trying.
Point to be noted guys never ask questions they only answer that too as briefly as they can.
A: I think you should have added a little less salt in the dal, and made chapattis little less crispy (by crispy we mean prevented it from turning to almost ash). Its good to improve, mummy will help you in this.
Q/A (cant make out) it is an outbust actually…. Tumhari mummy ka khana mujhe pata hai..mere haath ka khana hai to aisa hi milega nahin to jao mummy ke ladle unke paas. Aur yeh namak ka chakkar chapatti ka jalna acha nahin lagta to directly bolo….mujhe shauk nahin hai din bhar kaam karne ka…kal se office canteen main account khol lena.

Due to space constraints I can not put down the huge list of such civilized conversations here but I guess all have seen it for themselves.

3) KIDS I always say one thing “Bache tab tak ache hote hain jab tak woh kisi aur ke hote hain”.
Exactly 9 months and a week or so from the date of marriage.(Pata nahin why men are in such a hurry …). The guy goes to his family and breaks the good news” aap sabke liye khush khabri hai main baap ban gaya”
Kindly take notice…”AAP SABKE LIYE” ya he is right sab khush ho sakte hain except for the man himself. When these kids are actually young they will cry over petty things….feels like ek kheench ke do…but dada..dadi..nana..nani..mohalle ki chachi..pados ke phoophi..door ke tauji..paas ki biwi…all become you enemies. As if something like having an extramarital affair has been caught at times even worse. It is not the 2foot waala who explains..his job is to keep crying rolling big fake droplets of namkeen paani from his two big eye sockets. The convict is daddy who has to explain and even more apologise.

Kya batayen…kasam se yeh teen jo sabse badi cheez hamse le lete hain sada ke liye woh hai hamari “AZAADI “ bechari bapu azaadi ke naam pe lad gaye jaate jaate bole isse sambhal ke rakhna…..but dear bapu be practical how can we sambhalo azaadi jab naukri, biwi aur bache bhi hamein hi sambhalne hain…freedom is khatam once either of these comes.